DEAD MAN RUNNING…

 

 

 

I grabbed a shirt and an old pair of pants, the sun was about to set, just the way it has on my life. All the songs on the radio making sense in this confused mind of mine. Ant going to work tomorrow what’s the point? I have come to the end of my road and just like the movies, I will ride off into the setting sun.
I bet it all on this heart of mine, once again I would lose. There will be no next time, nothing left to give. Don’t believe I can go through the pain again, the hurt of it all, remembering the things I said in front of all of them and the sad look on her face. She felt sad for me. Not understanding she looks on a dying man. How could I have been so foolish? I knew better. This world is the super bowl of liars. I have no home, no one waiting on my call, no one worried I haven’t been around in a while.
This night I will drive until I find a new place to call mine, knowing no place exist, just this cold awful place. I fear no bullet to the brain; I fear no high dive off the 30 story building. The only thing I fear is to keep waking up here and I keep waking up here.
Stop by the liquor store on the way out, a couple of 5th’s should hit the spot, not sure where this train is going to end. Takes all my strength to not cry while standing in line. All the smiling faces, happy times all around. No one knows of my pain, no one cares. I get to the car and fix a strong one and hit the highway. I drive deep into the night, half praying half saying goodbye, hoping I can carry out this plan this time. I tell myself GOD will understand, this pain is greater than I. what I can remember is the road began to move and the side of the highway keep hitting the side of my car, I don’t want to hurt anyone else was a fading thought. I woke up over looking this lake. To my right sat an empty bottle and in the back seat sat his friend. I would open that bottle and begin again; this went on for a few days. I needed a bath and a shave. My money was getting short and in need of real food.
Man how am I going to do this, I got to go home, back to my lonely place. I had no idea where I was and didn’t care, lucky I ant in jail. That happen before, was on my way to California that time. Freedom sometimes is all you get. I am free to feel this pain anywhere I go. I did feel it for some time, but time once again was a friend of mine. The scars healed and the memories began to fade. I would live to tell another tell and help another when he found himself there.
I used to think all the pain was such a vain thing, but could you amazon if someone tried to explain such a thing to you, as a broken heart. How pride talks real loud then. Telling you to do this and that, I will show them! Well I did showed them, a man stands here. I have been tested by all things and I have become wise. Wise enough to understand tomorrow don’t always look like today and if you wade through enough tomorrows, tomorrow comes, a fresh new day. I am stronger for all those yesterdays, but yesterday didn’t look so pretty then. When I walk up, you only see what stands in front of you, but if you could hop into my mind what a ride it would be. The up and downs the twists and turns and the dead stops built this man. We must learn to give each other a little more credit, some things I take well others tear my very soul. We all have different gifts and different strengths. We must come together to weather the coming storms. Each man put where he finds himself on purpose. There is no better place for you. Do your part right where you stand.
When I found the deep dark nights, I always talked to the thin air as if somehow someone was listening and when the day came and the sun shine was bright, I somehow couldn’t see anything but pouring rain, I kept talking hoping it would ease the pain, it did help pass the time. The seconds seem to strength into mins and the best I could do is breath and many days all I did was breath. Pushing apart the spaces in time. Hunting something to get my mind off what was going on, nothing seemed to work, but the days did slowly pass and every new day I got a little better at faking it. Most of all I just waited it out. I sit here today telling you, this too will pass…
We the people of the most high GOD have seen the ways of the world and took part in her sins. No wise man took the stage and told us to come out of her and in our folly we stayed and longed after things that would destroy us. Our father in his anger would not allow those he loved to be thrown into the fire and must bring this place to its ruin. In front of us we must learn by watching the dying. Don’t let the devil trick you and turn you to the ways of the dammed. We have a righteous and jealous GOD who loves us dearly. For us this end must come or there would be no elect left. Nothing left to save. Now the storm cloud gather and the strong winds blow. The day of our lord is here. Pray and hang on to all that is good. Help all those he puts in your way and when there turn comes they will do the same.
As we pass through the veil the pain and sorrow will begin to fade and we will return to our rightful ways and be glad he came to save us from ourselves. A great super is being prepared for the great day of our return to our rightful place at his table. Joy will once again fill the air and love will rule us all as it should be. Forever and a day…

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